I took the challenge.
Throughout this past week, I have been constantly thinking about Uganda; a place I love but have never been. This is new for me. Usually, the topic always on my mind is the victims of sex trafficking and those involved in prostitution {especially here in America}. Though those people were never far from the front of my mind, Uganda and its people seemed to involuntarily invade my thoughts as nothing has before. So I began praying hard for this country and its people.
Lord, what is it that You are trying to tell me?
I was reminded of a book called Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis, one of my all-time favorite books, so I began reading . . . and reading . . . and reading. I'd forgotten how difficult this book is to lay down rather than finish all in one sitting {which I would gladly do if I were given the time}. I highlighted paragraph after paragraph and reread those parts which particularly caught my attention. So I prayed hard for Katie and her children and her ministry, Amazima Ministries.
Then I was reminded of some friends of friends who are fulltime missionaries in Uganda. So I prayed hard for Shawn and Sarah and their son and their ministry.
Is this what You want, God? For me to pray for these people?
But I wasn't at peace with just praying. So I emailed Sarah and asked a few questions about possibly spending some time there. I was met with great excitement and cooperation as she promised me that she'd research some ministries in Kampala, the capital of Uganda where Shawn and Sarah live, that work with prostitutes with whom I may be able to volunteer.
Realizing that God may be calling me to go to a place I have been longing to go{FINALLY}, I introduced the idea to my mom {yet again}.
By this time, I am very excited about the prospect of visiting and serving in this country that I've been in love with for years, but still have not had the privilege of stepping foot in.
* * * * *
For as long as I can remember, one of my
favorite Bible verses has been Psalm 37:4:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give
you the desires of your heart." I used to believe
it meant that if I did what the Lord asked of
me, followed His commandments, and was a
"good girl", He would grant all my desires and
make my dreams come true. Today, this is still
one of my favorite passages of Scripture, but I
have learned to interpret it in a totally different
way. It is not about God making my dreams
come true but about God changing my dreams
into His dreams for my life.
- Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie
As I read her words, I flipped to Psalm 37 in my own Bible and found verse 4 underlined and highlighted - I'd already found that promise.
But, God, I prayed, what is your plan for me? What are your dreams for my life? I know You have something wonderful planned, but WHAT? Am I supposed to go to Uganda? Am I supposed to be interceding for these people? I hate uncertainty, I hate not knowing, I can't keep living in such uncertainty. What do You want me to do? Please show me. I need to know NOW.
{By this time I was whining - I knew that - but I felt that He wasn't being fair, that I needed to know right then and there.}
Feeling prompted to continue reading, I started back at the beginning of Psalm 37 and, asking for wisdom and discernment, I read.
Yes, I know I must trust in You. Yes, I know I must do good. Yes, I know I must commit my life to You. Yes, I know You will do great things when I give you my life. Yes, I know . . .
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him . . .
I paused.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him . . .
Well, God, that's good and all but I just -
Be still. {He interrupted me here.}
But God, I'm not good at waiting.
Wait patiently.
I can't.
You can.
But God -
Stop. {Another interruption.} Just be still. Just wait for Me.
* * * * *
I think so often we are deafened by the loudness of this world we live in. We aren't able to hear God leading us where He wants us because we are distracted, we are deaf to His voice, or maybe we just don't care what He wants {which I've been guilty of}.
But He is there and He is calling each one of us.
I don't quite know if God really does want me in Uganda right now {though I'm hoping He does}, and I truly do feel His nudging. So, I will wait upon Him and listen to Him and follow Him wherever He may lead. And I WILL wait for confirmation, but I REFUSE to second-guess the confirmation He may give me, and wait too long and miss whatever He has in store for me.
Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe
pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of
your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine
like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the
noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD and wait
patiently for him . . .
- Psalm 37:3-7a (NIV)
